Surrealpolitic for surreal times.: Newt, Gore and Pluto.

8.24.2006

Newt, Gore and Pluto.

Today the International Astronomical, an organization of 2,400 astronomers demoted Pluto to a "dwarf planet" thus stripping it of all rights and privileges a full planet enjoys. Revisionism it would seem, isn't relegated solely to our celestial bodies. Right here on Earth we are witnessing some orbital redrawing in the American political solar system. Planets Newt and Gore, two bodies that at one time orbited each other are now reclassified and ready for another name.

Planet Gore, who hasn't declared his political ambitions yet, has released his film An Inconvenient Truth in which he discusses the dangers of global warming and the steps we need to take to avert the coming disasters. Al Gore is now casting himself as the number one Eco-Politico. (We have to discount citizen Nader because his unwelcome presence in the 2000 race helped put George, The Toxic Avenger, Bush at the helm. He couldn't have done more to harm the environment if he had raped and killed a thousand baby seals with his own hands.) As a Congressmen, Senator and Vice President, Gore served each office for eight years and in all that time, Al Gore, wasn't the Jolly Green Giant he is now.

Gore supported a "breeder" nuclear reactor (a reactor that breeds fuel) which was so perilous a project that it was ultimately killed in 1983 during the Reagan Administration. Gore also had about a half a million dollars invested in Occidental Petroleum at the time it was drilling on the sacred lands of the Colombia's Uwa tribe. That is all dwarfed, of course, by the passage of NAFTA and GATT during his tenure as Vice President. You want to talk about ecologically unfriendly legislation? These bills, which were drafted outside of our democratic institutions and by international corporations, mind you, were passed without hardly a peep in the media. These bills make it impossible for developing nations to enforce or even draft laws establishing safety regulations, unions or even the most basic environmental standards. NAFTA and GATT have both done more to gut environmental standards across the globe than anything Gore could fix in Kyoto.

Meanwhile on planet Newt, who has declared his political intentions for '08, there is also a rush to reclassify. This is "You Will Forget" Newt. The Newt that appeared on Fox's Hannity and Colmes, speaking on the Iraq war "...when I look back and I think about what we felt ... I think it was the right war, it was the right decision." and then, when YOU didn't like the war "You Will Forget" Newt said at the University of South Dakota, "It was an enormous mistake for us to try to occupy that country after June of 2003." This is the Newt that was so appalled over President Clinton's indescretion that he compared the subsequent coverup to the worst "obstruction of justice ... we have ever seen in American history" but the "You Will Forget" Newt played hide the gavel with his own aide, Callista Bisek. And it's also the Newt that divorced his wife because "She isn't young enough or pretty enough to the President's wife." (Truth be told, he divorced her because she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery and chemo is hell on a lady.) But even the "You Will Forget" Newt probably wants to forget that one too.

Does "You Will Forget" Newt really think we're going to forget? Not to mention that when his indiscretion started to unfold, he resigned so fast you didn't even know he was gone and replaced by another Speaker of the House who also resigned because of sexual indiscretions. (Remember Speaker Livingston? Neither do I.) At least Clinton took his punishment like a man. Gingrich didn't even take off his belt.

So, back on Earth we have one less official planet revolving around our glorious sun, but we have a multitude of political stars with which to gaze.

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