My Wacky Mid-East Pilot Pitch

So there's this guy, his name is Lebanon, and he owns an apartment building. He's a very dignified man who loves his building and wants to protect it from being destroyed. And that's where it gets funny because he's got this insane cousin named Hezbollah who makes crystal meth. in the basement. Sort of like Monk meets The Odd Couple. You see where I'm going? Now, Lebanon knows about the meth lab, but Hezbollah is tied into this whole gangster scene and Lebanon can't do anything about it or Hezbollah might turn on him.

Okay, so now, there's this neighbor. Israel. They hate the Hezbollah too, because of his loud music and crystal meth, and they also hate Lebanon because they're competing for renters and because Lebanon has a much nicer building. So, whenever Hezbollah plays his music too loud or throws rocks at Israel's building, Israel gets an excuse to destroy a part of Lebanon's apartment complex. Sort of like, Three's Company meets Natural Born Killers.

Follow me on this because this is where it gets confusing. Israel has this friend named Sam, who will kick the shit out of anyone who messes with Israel and Hezbollah has his crazy friends, Iran and Syria, who also hate Israel. Now, even though Iran and Syria can't directly attack Israel or vice-versa, Sam, Iran and Syria each give their friends weapons to attack each other. Screams, I tell you. Screams! Think The Mary Tyler Moore Show meets Straw Dogs.

Now, that's just sort of the background. Here's the actual show: Hezbollah starts a fight with Israel by stealing some of Israel's pets and shooting into their apartment. Israel is so pissed off that it just starts throwing all kinds of crap into Lebanon's building and eventually, MOVES INTO Hezbollah's apartment! Iran and Syria are so pissed now that they are giving their buddy Hezbollah more weapons to fight Israel. All the while Lebanon is screaming 'get out of my building!' and grabbing his hair as his beautiful complex he's built for the past twenty years is being torn apart.

Now, remember Israel's friend, Sam? This is a great character. Very scary. Just punches people in the face for no reason anyone can figure out except Sam. Very unstable and very strong. So guess whom they all turn to for a peaceful solution? Right! Sam! The audience is going to lose its mind. It's like The Sopranos meets Judging Amy.

If you're not looking for a comedy, I've got another great show called Quagmire. It's like Apocalypse Now meets Lawrence of Arabia.